anxiety · depression · hope · Uncategorized

Mixed emotions

Most days I struggle with the level of sadness that I feel. Depression has become a normal feeling for me, and so, when I do get that burst of confidence and happiness, it becomes such a high.

This feeling lasts usually for a no longer than a day, but I feel as if I am on top of the world at that moment, like I can do anything. And I usually do! I become more socially outgoing and am willing to do chores and leisurely activities. In fact, I cram all I can into that one day because I don’t know when I’ll feel so good again.

I can only assume that people who don’t struggle as often with anxiety and depression live with this happy feeling the majority of the time. I yearn for this more often and hope that dealing with my feelings will help this to happen.

People love to tell me that I need to be more positive and all that jazz but they don’t know how hard it is to be positive. I was always that glass half empty and broken on the floor and foot cut on the glass kind of girl. No matter the situation, I fear the worst possible outcome. It’s never been easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel because I tend to look at the large picture which often appears to be dreary.

Life is what it is. I continually try to make the best out of it, but bad things happen and I get pushed back to negative Nancy every time. You can’t expect anything other than disappointment because that is the only guarantee. However a glimmer of hope shows through when I get that happy emotional high, and it is a relief if only for a day.

 

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