dad · depression · hope · Uncategorized

Father’s Day

It has only been two years since my dad passed away, but it seems like a lifetime. I can remember many things well but others have fled my brain.

It’s strange how you forget that Father’s Day is a holiday when you don’t have a father to celebrate the day with. I work in retail and wonder why it’s so busy. Oh yes, that’s right, it’s a holiday. And then when I remember, I have to get my dad a gift…for his grave site. Most people are looking to buy tools or knives or something cool for their dads. I look for solar lights and small flags with pictures of things he used to like. And I wonder why I do this. He isn’t even there. I do it to make myself feel at peace.

I am a spiritual person, or at least I try to be. I want to believe my dad is in heaven now and resides within me and around me as my guardian angel. I like to think that he still has a sense of humor also. His tombstone has a cat on it to represent all of our cats over the years. In particular, it was meant to represent the cat he saved, Spike, who is still with us. I think dad has to be smiling about that one.

Random tangent here but I have to say that humans aren’t the only people who mourn the loss of a loved one. Spike mourned my dad. He would meow for him and lay on my dad’s side of the bed. He yearns for the love and affection he once received from the man who took him off the streets. Pets have personality and feelings. I’ve seen it firsthand.

Back to the topic… so I didn’t even go to dad’s grave today. Sometimes it is too difficult. And since I don’t think he is there anyhow, I don’t take it to heart. I walk around in my yard and picture the things we used to do and think about things we once laughed about. Besides, he would rather have me recall the good times.

As long as I keep what he wanted for me in mind, I will always make good choices. My dad remains my hope and my hero.

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