I am battling some fears lately by setting goals for myself and following through on those goals. The most difficult part of this occurs in the beginning stages, whether that means making a phone call or getting dressed to go somewhere. You must understand, some days getting out of bed is a chore for me, and so I’ve come to the conclusion that I must plan things to do for myself so I can feel like a human being rather than an alien stuck in a body.
Once I’m successful at breaking through that anxiety wall, I start to gain confidence in myself and my abilities. These things are small feats such as making a needed doctor appointment or going to the mall, but it is what I must do to ensure I do anything with my day.
I’m taking baby steps because they are the closest things to change I can accept. Many baby steps can create an abundance of change over time, and maybe that’s what I need to carry on. In fact, if you think about it, abrupt large change is what screws us up. We don’t feel prepared for or wired to handle big changes, and so it feels like the world is crashing down upon us when something big happens, good or bad. Even if I’m prepared for the change, I’m still unprepared.
This leads me to quickly discuss what I do when I feel I have no control, which is most of the time. I develop nervous habits such as nail biting, something that lets me think I have control over, at very least, my own body. And so I’m trying to transform these nervous traits into useful ones…goal setting.
I’m just a lost girl looking for some sanity in an insane world.